If you recall Maslow’s hierarchy, the middle layer is about connection and our need for having a sense of belonging with other people. But while we need to have other people in our lives, the kind of people we have as those connections is the most important.

Your parents were right -- the people you associate with will start to influence your behavior. If you’re hanging around people who are unethical, apathetic, and so on, you may be influenced by them and begin thinking like them. If you spend most of your time around people who are positive thinkers, solution-focused, optimistic about life, and who speak positively about doing the right thing, being motivated, having a strong work ethic, being good to your family and friends, and so forth, then you will likely start thinking similarly.

Who you hang out with the most will be who has the greatest influence on you. Look at a typical day in your life – who are you spending the most time with? If it’s people who respond to negative events with, “Of course this happened to me,” or “Nothing ever goes right for me,” those negative thought patterns and messages will become the default way of thinking. If you spend your time with people who respond to negative events with, “That’s okay, this will pass and everything will be okay again,” or “Things happen, but we’ll get through it together and come out on the other side,” then that way of thinking will become the default.

On the flip side, you are influencing others at the same time they’re influencing you. If you are around someone who is constantly negative, try to be purposeful and intentional about being a positive influence on them by countering their negative messages with positive ones, and by speaking positive optimistic thoughts aloud so that they begin hearing those regularly, and their default thinking may change.

The people in your life can also affect your happiness through the things they do in your presence as well as how they treat you directly. If you have people around you that support you, encourage you, and are kind to you, you are far more likely to feel valued and positive. If you have people in your life who don’t support you, or who are even abusive or unkind to you, this is obviously going to have an influence on your ability to feel happy.

Put yourself in situations and around people who can be positive influences on you. If you know you’re surrounded by a lot of negative, start working to find groups you can join that are encouraging to you, and to find friends and add people to your life that are positive, happy, living good lives, and who can positively influence your thinking. Positivity from others can add to your life and your ability to find happiness, and negativity from others can undo your ability to be happy just as easily, so take a close look at the people in your life and try to counter-balance the negatives with more positives. Also remember to be a positive influence on others – the positive messages you say aloud will begin to become your own default positive thinking as well.