What are you afraid of?
Think about the things that cause you fear, or anxiety, or even just uneasiness, and I would bet there’s an element of the unknown that plays a part in it. It’s human nature to have a natural and understandable fear of things that are unknown to us. It could be a new place, where we aren’t sure what’s expected or how we’ll find our way around. Or it could be a person, who we aren’t sure will accept us or understand us. A new school, a new job, or a move to a new city all have pretty substantial elements of the unknown associated with them, and so of course it’s natural to feel anything from hesitancy to straight up fear.
When we feel fear, we have several choices about how to handle it.
First, we can run away or not proceed toward the thing that’s causing us fear. Keeping a safe distance keeps us safe, and we then don’t have to face the thing that’s causing the fear. The bad thing about this option, though, is that we’re kept at a distance, where we also will completely miss out on that new experience, which may have actually turned out to be a really good experience once we got familiar with it, and it was no longer an unknown. We grow into things sometimes, and then they become old and familiar – but we’ll miss out on that comfortable feeling if we keep ourselves safely distant.
Second, we can proceed very cautiously. Have you ever watched a deer walking into an unfamiliar area, constantly surveying and assessing its surroundings? The deer will take a step, and then stand very still, listening to every little thing around, making judgments as to what may or may not be danger. Then, another step, and more assessment about the surroundings. Little by little the deer may make it to the food or resting place it was headed toward, but if it’s too cautious, and too slow, it may completely miss out on what it was trying to get to. Being cautious will help keep us safe, as we proceed slowly and watchfully, testing and judging everything as we go.. but is that a way to enjoy anything? If we’re so cautious we are only paying attention to possible dangers, then at the first sign of danger we’ll run away and potentially miss a really amazing opportunity.
Third, we can just head straight toward the thing, facing our fear straight-on, and learning quickly as we go, making assessments but in a much less cautious and expect-the-worst kind of way. By doing this, we are probably more likely to enjoy the journey, and reach the destination more quickly, so that we can have more time to enjoy it as well. Yes, we may get hurt by rushing toward something that ends up hurting us.. but we’ll know right away, and we can change our course and get back on a good path, much more quickly. If that thing at the end of our path is going to hurt us, it’s going to do it whether we approach it slowly or head-on.
The fourth option is to just run straight to the destination without looking up, just charging ahead, full force, right into the new situation, and just hoping for the best. This also may not be a good option – though it gets us there quickly, and we probably will find out right away if it was dangerous or not, we won’t have allowed ourselves time to prepare a good exit strategy, or any way to protect our own self. Taking a bit of caution and time to learn a situation as we enter it can be very helpful, so that we’re always staying aware of what we’re moving toward.
What’s your fear style, and how do you handle the unknown and new situation, person or place? Is there anything you could change about your approach so that you’re enjoying the journey, but also making your way toward your destination, without being overwhelmed by fear in a way that stops you from every moving? Is there a way to make judgments and decisions along the way, but still get there a little more quickly, overcoming the unknown and the fear it causes, so that you can start making that unknown a “known,” and the unfamiliar something familiar and comfortable?
Fear is doubt, whether it’s doubt that something will work out, or doubt that you’re up to the challenge of handling the new something. Look at all the reasons you may be doubting, and see how that doubt may be blocking your progress. If you can work on removing the doubt, you’ll find yourself more confidently moving toward new situations that may actually be better situations than the ones you’ve been in previously.