A couple weeks ago I started the countdown.... 50 days until I turn 50 years old. I decided to make it a really happy occasion by doing something fun or joyful every single day for 50 days.  "50 days of fun" is underway now, and it's been amazing!   I planned it in advance, noting the start date, writing a post on Facebook so my friends & family could follow along (and give me ideas and join me in my activities!) and, in anticipation, I awaited Day One.   Life, though, had other plans for me.  I got the call that my dad was dying, and I took off and drove from Oklahoma to Michigan, sat by his side for several days, and I was there with him as he took his last breath.  Day One, it turns out, was the day we held my dad's funeral. There's nothing quite like funerals, and turning 50, to get you thinking about life and what you're doing with yours. 

I've lost both parents in the past couple years, and with my three kids now basically grown and doing their own things, I'm finding myself in a place of self-discovery.  Some might call it "empty nest," but I'm choosing to look at it as "a fresh start."  I've been raising kids since I was 19, and every decision I've made in the past 30 years has taken those sweet babies into account, always basing my final actions on how they would affect my children. My parents were ultra conservative in their expectations of us, and so I also always had their voices in the back of my head with every move I made.  I now am experiencing a new freedom from other people's expectations and needs that I've never had before - a luxury, really, to define my own time and choices. 

If you are given the freedom to be whoever you want to be... wherever, however, whenever, whatever.... what would that look like?  Are you living that life right now; and if not, why not?  It's almost daunting, to shed the expectations that have been placed on you, and start from scratch trying to decide which ones are really you, and which ones were someone else.  But what a gift... at 50 years old, I want to be genuinely, peacefully, completely me.  My 50 days of fun/joy were intended to just be a fun way to a countdown, but it's really turning into so much more. Some activities are done with friends and family, and some I'm doing on my own (zip-lining through the forest, for example!).  Having fun and finding joy by yourself is difficult for some, but one of the best ways to get to know who you really are.  I'm loving it - on my own schedule, at my own pace, doing things I want to do, enjoying the heck out of life, and counting down to a brand new beginning.  50 is going to be amazing!  Life... should be amazing! 

Reflect on your life, right now, where you stand.  Are you who you want to be? Do you have purpose, and a genuinely content sense that you're living your life for the things that are meaningful and of value to you?  If not... I recommend you work on it - change things up, even if it's just little by little, so that you become who you really want to be.  Decide, with some real reflection, what your values are; this means, what's really important to you?  And then focus on those things, and live your life with the inclusion of those things.  

We meet people every day, and we see them how they are at that moment in their lives, and then that is who we think they are.  Those people are also meeting you, at a moment in your life, and determining who you are as a person based on who you are at that moment.  Are you happy with that person?  What would you change about your life, if you could, and why aren't you changing it, if it means a lot to you?  If you start a new friendship or a new relationship, right now, who are you in that.. what are you bringing to it that you are proud of, and what are you bringing that you wish you weren't?   Become that person that you want to be - don't wait; now is always better than later to be you.   

It's called LIFE.  What are you doing with yours?