If you were asked what the one thing was in your lifetime that made you the most unhappy, you would probably easily be able to name it, and maybe several more. But if you were asked what made you the most happy, aside from the predictable answers of "day I got married" or "day I had my kids," would you be as easily able to respond with the things in your lifetime that had made you the happiest?

We tend to focus on negative things, and give far more attention to our unhappiness than to our happiness. You may have experienced difficult and very negative things in your lifetime - personal trauma, physical or mental abuse, rejection, painful loss(es), struggles, betrayal, loneliness, or others. The more of these negative experiences we have in our life, the more we feel justified to be unhappy, maybe even angry or cynical. 

My question to you is - why would you choose to be unhappy, when you can choose to be happy instead? In my own lifetime I've experienced many of the things named above - I could, if I wanted, justify living with some serious anger and I could easily explain cynicism or unhappiness. But I like the feeling of being happy far more than I like all that negative. For just the past couple years I've been on a personal mission to live a genuinely happy life. I started by reading positive things - books, memes, quotes, etc. The more happiness you feed your brain, the more it wants. And soon your default reaction is not anger or cynicism, but happiness and a positive outlook. Now don't get me wrong - I'm not blissfully ignorant in any way. I am about as much of a realist as one can possibly be. But I still choose happiness, despite what everyone is doing around me. 

This past year I've really taken a good, long, hard look at myself. I've analyzed what values and beliefs I was holding onto because someone had told me to, and I've pared them down to the ones that I truly believe are my real, own values. I've forgiven people who hurt me, even though they aren't sorry. I've let go of "friends" who proved they weren't really my friends, and I've cleaned my heart and mind of relationships, feelings, and thoughts that were really only continuing to hurt me. I've found joy in being me, and discovering who I really am. I bought a Jeep and a little camper, and I've been taking off down the road on my own, enjoying time with ... ME (and I let good friends go with me also). 

If you find that you have hurts, anger, cynicism, or just don't feel happy, do something about it. You have the control, you have the power, and it's completely your choice. I have a quote above my bed that reads, "To choose joy... is to find freedom." Wouldn't you love to be completely free of all those hurts and disappointments that bring you down? Choose joy. If you don't know how to go about it, here's a little list of ideas to get you started:

1 Start reading positive things - positive quotes, happy thoughts, insightful books, etc.

2 Decide to eliminate negative. When you start thinking negatively about something, rephrase it to be more positive. For example, "He left and broke my heart." ... rephrased just a bit... "He left and it hurt.".... rephrased just a bit... "He isn't here anymore and it hurt when he left, but I'm getting better all the time."... rephrased... "He's gone and I'm healing."... rephrased... "He's gone, and I'm me again." ... rephrased... "I'm me, and I like who I am...and I am free to be me all the time now." ... rephrased... "I am happy being me."

3 Learn new things. This is one of the best things I learned from grad school (I have a Master's in Counseling, with a specialty in marital and family therapy) - a couple will become stronger if they are learning something new together. You, as an individual, will also become stronger if you are learning. It doesn't matter what it is -- just choose to learn something new, and start on that path, and stick with it. 

4 Stop yourself from wallowing. If you find that you're someone who can get in a "funk" and feel down for quite a while, stop yourself when you feel that coming on, and start thinking as many positive things as you can. Thinking negatively makes the neurotransmitters in your brain not spark together properly, causing more negative feelings (this resembles the effects of depression). Thinking positively makes the neurotransmitters spark properly, causing more positive feelings. Now I'm not saying if you are dealing with depression that you can just think your way out of it and stop being depressed. Depression is a real disorder, and you should seek all the help you can get to help you get through it and recover from it. But if you're just a regularly negative thinking person... stop it. Change it. Think positive thoughts instead.

5 Do things that bring you joy. I recently turned 50, and the 50 days preceding my birthday I spent doing a "50 days of joy" countdown. I decided to do something fun and joyful every single day for those 50 days. It made SUCH a difference in my level of happiness- when I turned 50 I was genuinely in a great place, and ready to start my new year! Whether you get joy from doing good deeds, skydiving, cooking, running, or whatever, do more of it. Purposely do things that bring you happiness and joy. The more you do, the happier you'll feel.

I mentioned that I'd had some really negative stuff happen in my life, and about a year and a half ago I found myself in a funk that I couldn't seem to get out of. That's when I decided to be purposeful and make things different. Well a funny thing happened yesterday -- some of my coworkers came to me as I was sitting at my desk and told me they had voted me, "Happiest person in the building." Now part of this may be that they want me to continue bringing them the cupcakes I bring them every week. But as simple and funny as their little gesture was, I also have to admit that it was something of a milestone marker for me, and an acknowledgment that what I've been doing for the past year or so... is not only making me feel better, but is visible to others. 

I love being a happy person, and the feelings I have just propel me to want to create more happiness in my life. My advice to you is this -- let go of the negative, forgive the hurts, eliminate the people/environments that bring you down, surround yourself with happy people, do things for yourself that create joy; then.... you will find peace, and freedom, in your own happiness.

"To choose joy... is to find freedom."